Hello 5-0, and I Don't Mean The Po Po!
While being attacked by an enormous wild boar...
No, that won't work, too unbelievable by those who aren't familiar with my life...
As I was wrestling with a young colt...Petting my Longhorns?
Getting eggs from my Fighting Chickens? ...ok, I'll be frank-er truthful...
It all started with my plan to rise earlier in the morning so I could pack my already full day, full-er. I set my alarm and as soon as it went off, I got out of bed and made my way through the darkness to the ladies room...notice I did NOT say "jumped out of bed". Anyway, as I wandered to the bathroom, quick as lightning my foot planted smack-dab in the middle of something that was not carpet, slid out from under me and caused my face to find the edge of the door frame....thus, the lightening.
Not the lovely awakening my poor husband would have preferred as the BANG caused him to jump out of bed- literally. By the way, he never "wanders" either. The guy has purpose to his every move, so opposite of myself.
Feigning the blackness that threatened my consciousness, although I should have just went with it, I lay there with my foot in the air and my hand on my face as he super-humanly turned on the light and was beside me asking if I was okay all in one millisecond.
"I'm okay, but what is on my foot?!" I respond exasperatedly. It didn't have a poop smell, but it was wet and disgusting none the less.
Dog vomit. yay...What a way to start the week. Dog puke and a black eye. But that's not the end of this story! No, no, no...it's just the beginning of "The Week that Almost Killed Me".
After all that was cleaned up and I got my wits about me with coffee and an ice pack, I went back to the usual grind. As I was stalling the horses up to feed them their breakfast, I placed my naked hand directly onto a big, fat, shiny Black Widow...nice. Second near-death experience for the day.
Well, it'd been awhile since I checked to see if "Harvest Day" had come for the honey from my bees. Several folks in town have been waiting, and because of the minimal rain the honey stores weren't ready the last time I checked. It was a pretty day, so I decided to drive over to the Bee Yard and have a look-see. Bella, the vomit dog, and I loaded up and leisurely drove down, taking in the gorgeous day and ready to enjoy nature as we do when I check the ladies. (when the drones are gone all the bees are female).
Typically when I check the bees, I just go into the yard, peek around, talk softly and no one gets hurt. It's all a nice, relaxing experience. Bella runs around, I check for intruders and the ladies go about their business.
Not this day....
One of my hives had absconded. That means -flew the coop, left the premises, high-tailed it, vamoosed, they gone. Bummer. The other one sounded a little ticked off, but I was just going to take a peek and see how they were doing. Mistake. I know better. Yes, I had a hood in my truck. No, I didn't put it on. I usually don't get stung. Most of the time I don't have any issue. I may grab a bee on accident and get stung but it'll swell for a few minutes and be gone within an hour or two. Usually.
The girls were mad about something. I lifted the lid to see what was up. Noting that they sounded a little mad, I TOLD them I was just taking a peek. No big deal. They didn't listen. Wham-bam a couple of them warned me by giving me a pop on the hand. "Okay-Okay, I'm out...calm down." I said. Bella came in the yard behind me...she never comes in the yard. She had a worried face. I said, "It's okay Bella, let's go" as I slowly began putting the cover back on. Well, they weren't satisfied and had some choice buzzing to make. I got everything back in place and started backing out slowly. They followed me and proceeded to continue following me as I walked away without swatting...then they got in my hair and up my sleeve and one sting led to another until finally I calmed them down and convinced them to return to their hive and leave me be-e.
Bella was freaked out. She didn't know whether to bite the bees or run. She tried to protect me but she's not dealt with those bugs before. Most days all is hunky dory.
We got back to the truck and things got weird. My mouth started feeling funny, I got hot and nauseous. Deciding I had better get back home, I headed for the gate. When I got out to open it, my legs were wobbly...more than usual. I got through the gate and had it locked behind me. Contemplating sitting there until I felt better, I decided-against better judgement-AGAIN, to get my booty home. Praying all the way, I made it safely.
As soon as I got in the door I hit the Benadryl. But the heaving didn't stop and the hives just got worse. Pretty soon, the wheezing began and panic crept in. I knew what was happening. Even though I fought it, it came anyway. So, of course I prayed. Eventually my husband came home for lunch and I took another dose of Benadryl. The hives started to lesson. I was covered with them. The bottoms of my feet and my armpits itched like crazy! A couple of hours, a good dose of ice cream and some rest did the trick. I still had some hives and the sting sites were swollen, but I was gonna be okay.
Later, as I was feeding the cows, I turned the trough over and let it land squarely on my big toe. As I'm trying to watch my language, the tongue was bit with severity.
And finally, this one is probably the weirdest, as I was trying for the perfect sunrise shot through a spider's web, I knocked the dinger off the dinner bell and it landed soundly on my pinkey toe. That one hurt. I bit my lip on that one.
Hello 50! I welcomed it with "flying colors' all over my body, from my head to my toes...literally...and that's the truth.
