Drat and Double Drat!

Have you noticed someone speaking differently than normal when they're around someone with a certain twang or accent? Maybe your friend or family member suddenly begins to tilt their head or their body language suddenly begins to mimic another's when they're with certain folks. It always cracks me up when that happens and I am so conscious of it that I try really hard not to follow suit. Maybe you're guilty of having a different giggle or louder voice or say words that you don't usually say when you're with someone that isn't typically in your presence.

Once I saw someone I only knew in a certain setting, outside of that setting...well, I'll just say they were very different. Their happy, cheesy attitude wasn't happy or cheesy at all.

Honestly, I'm mostly the same wherever I am. I may be more open or talkative in different settings; most likely because of my filter...or lack thereof. Can you relate?

The other day I was getting ready to take my father-in-law to a doctor appointment and the last task to complete my to-do list before leaving was to get the dogs out one more time. As I was impatiently waiting for my decrepit 14 year old lab to decide if she was going to move or not, I hollered expletives at her all the way out onto the porch where low and behold, my father in law was waiting...unbeknownst to me. I could be thankful that he's hard of hearing, but it doesn't matter, I was ashamed of myself. Not just because I should be more patient with the best dog in the world, but because I shouldn't talk like that ever. Not just in front of others, but even alone. Not even just in my head, and I've truly been working on this habit. Alas, I fell short.

Before that incident, we were on our way home on a different day and were almost hit head-on; the words that flew out of my mouth in rapid concession were not becoming of the lady I should be. Pappy only laughed. Pappy never curses, well, hardly ever-almost never. He has plenty of opportunity to, but he doesn't. Thankfully he's known me almost three fourths of my life, so he probably wasn't surprised at my outburst.

Years and years ago my dad told me never to say one word in particular. Of course that became my favorite one to use. Once, I said it in front of my husband-then boyfriend. The look on his face was one I'll probably never forget. He explained to me, that the reason I shouldn't say things like that is because it makes me seem other than how he knows me. Ponder that for a moment.

In my husband's eyes I must be a pristine specimen. Of course he knows better, but he places me on a pedestal with a jeweled crown that I will never deserve. Although I can do wrong in his eyes, it takes some pretty big wrong for him to reprimand me or even say much about it at all. One thing that will always bring that "look" is when words come out of my mouth that make me seem other than how he sees me-Ugly. And not the way he knows I am in my heart.

Matthew 15:10-11 is very powerful as Jesus talks to scribes and Pharisees. Basically saying they deceive themselves in their worship. They are judgmental and lacking in faith. The Pharisees were more concerned about tradition than the facts. He went on to point out that dirty hands and things that are eaten aren't important. What is said, cannot be taken back. What comes out of ones mouth comes from the heart.

How often have I showed my darkened, sinful heart by the words that I have spewed from my mouth...There is no way to take back what's been said. I know, I've tried. There isn't enough apologizing to erase it. There is no "delete" button.

I love Psalm 19:14 "Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength, and my redeemer."

Oh, if it were only that easy and beautiful.

I need to really focus on James 1:26 "If any man (that includes women!) among you seem to be religious, and bridleth not his tongue, but deceiveth his own heart, this man's religion is in vain." That verse humbles me. Yes, I am a Christian. I have been saved by the blood of Christ and now it's my duty, my privilege, to share my joy with others in hopes to lead them to the cross too. Being a loose tongued, slander slave to satan's tug at the freedom of bad language isn't making anyone joyful, least of all my Lord. And it surely wouldn't be a "me" that I would want to be like so how would I expect anyone else to want to be like me? (in the good ways! -the happy, joyful, Christ-loving ways!)

It shouldn't matter who you're with or who you aren't with, God is always there. He gives me joy and happiness when I acknowledge Him and I find it more difficult to act in a manner unbecoming when I recognize that I'm not alone. I'm not alone in the fact that I'm not perfect, I get angry, I'm a sinner, I fail. I am not alone because my Savior is always with me. I'm not alone in the fact that I'm forgiven and I constantly strive to be who I'm created to be. Even when I finally take one step toward being better, and end up taking three steps back, He picks me up, forgives me and sets me straight again. And again, and again.

Less Real Housewives and More Real McCoys

To be fair, I've never watched an episode of The Real Housewives, but from what I have seen I can't think of anything that would make me want to watch at all. Feeding on drama, selfishness, entitlement and bitterness just isn't appealing. Although there was a time that I'd hurry home from church to watch another drama that had many of the same features, although fictional. Why did I watch that? I can't even tell you now. Maybe it was a deterrent or something. I honestly can't remember.

Nowadays you're more likely to find me pulling up black and white shows if and when I watch television. One of my very favorite is The Real McCoys. It's full of honesty, truth, family, hard work, simplicity, community and Checkers!

I can hardly get enough of "Grampa" and his antics. He's a fiesty ol' coot that is always up for a good lesson. Never one to give up easy, always ready to fight for his family and quick to share a good prayer or show of faith. There hasn't been an episode that didn't leave me with a happy feeling and a full heart. I just love those shows and don't mind watching them over and over.

There was a time I watched shows that left me angry and flustered. Sometimes I could even feel my blood pressure rise during the intensity of the plot. Lies, adultery, financial stresses, always trying to one up the other, yuck. Now when I need to feel anxious I'll watch shows about living in Alaska or fishing in the Atlantic!

One episode of The Real McCoys finds a city couple in their fancy foreign car breaking down at the McCoy farm. It soon became evident to them the things they deemed important were not significant after all. And all the time they spent running around trying to show off their "importance" only made them seem snooty and proud. In the end they found the value of time together and simplicity in life to be more than all the fanciness of the life they worked so hard to lead.

The McCoy family welcomed those folks into their home, fed them and treated them like family. How many of us would do that today I wonder.

These days it's easy to see people scurrying around trying to make more money to buy more stuff or putting their priorities in strange order, choosing to thwart family time for more time at the office or even skipping holidays for other events. Having stuff and doing things are all fine and good unless they take the place of the parts of our lives that should really be top priority.

We can't get time back. Kids grow up. Family members age and pass on. Friends come and go. Life happens and it happens quick! Just consider how fast the seasons change. As I write this, the year is half over, I'm closer to being another year older and the things I thought were important to get done still haven't been started. Money slips through our fingers and "things" just take up space and collect dust. All the stuff I used to collect were really just obsessions that no one cared about and if I died they would just be disposed of because I couldn't take them with me and who would've wanted them? They didn't have any meaning to anyone besides me anyway.

Today I realize the one thing I can generate, collect, share and pass on is my faith. I can't think of anything more valuable than my salvation. It's the one thing I can take with me when I die while also leaving behind.

The Real Housewives may be a reality show, but I can't really think of how they relate to my life. I'm not sure if they learn much or reconcile anything-ever. The Real McCoys on the other hand, is a fictional show that hits home. Although our lives don't move along wrapping up loose ends at the end of every day, I have to hope that more of us can relate to that 50 year old show than to the more recent one.

Proverbs 6 definitely sheds light on some traits of those who seem to get the limelight these days. It can even be a bit eye brow raising to read. Check out second Thessalonians 3 and it's easy to understand what's right. Paul was telling the people of the church how to act. How to model the life of a Christian to honor God and to be blessed in return. (vs 6) "...withdraw yourselves from every brother that walketh disorderly, and not after the tradition which he received of us." That's reminding that as a follower of Christ we should present ourselves in a way that He would. Remove ourselves from those who desire to follow a sinful life because that's not becoming of one who should be modeling the hope and joy that our salvation brings. Paul goes on to point this out in verses 7-15, even using the description "busybodies". Stay away from the like, and definitely don't be one.

These helpful scriptures are valuable today and I believe they were written for us now even more than they were for the people of Paul's day. It isn't becoming to be haughty and proud, to have abundance of random objects that we place our importance on above even human life. That's idolatry.

Christian's should be approachable and we should have a presence about us that makes others want to know about our countenance. I may seem simple in my faded jeans and t-shirt, but I can honestly say that I am happy! Some days you can even catch me in my overalls and big hat. Maybe I'm calling on my contankerous inner Grampa! But hopefully I have a peaceful way that is comforting and welcoming...depends on who you ask I'm sure. I hate to shop, but I'm always up for a good game of Checkers!

Stay Gold

This morning thunder rolled above and the sky was filled with the oddest hue of gold and orange. I could see it though the blinds as I peeked out from under the covers of my toasty bed while trying to convince myself that I could stay there. I tried telling myself that my husband could fix his own coffee and the dogs could just wait to go outside. Surely the horses could miss breakfast, just today - I assured myself. Myself did not heed my efforts. Grudgingly, I pulled myself out of bed and headed to the coffee pot, only to realize I then had to go to the outside fridge to retrieve more cream for the java...

How many times have you said, "It's funny how God works" or "God works in mysterious ways"?

As I stepped out the back door it seemed as if I was walking into another world. I wish I could convey the scene with enough accuracy to give you the sense that you were there with me. It was better than a movie.

The air was cool and fresh, there was a peaceful calm as everything was quiet and still. The sheep were grazing on the dewy grass and the chickens were pecking around. Nary a sound was heard; not even birds were singing as they fluttered around in the golden hue. It was in the very least, surreal.

Do you remember the end of The Outsiders, the original movie, where Stevie Wonder sang Stay Gold? It was sorta like that...but better.

In awe I took it in. Then, the rainbow caught my eye. I've never seen a rainbow in the location it was this morning. Usually I see them in the east, but this morning it was south, right there where I was sure to see it. Right where I couldn't miss it, and a double rainbow at that!

Can you imagine the thoughts that were going through my mind?

Coffee forgotten, I ventured out onto the yard to get a better look. Trying to capture the amazingness of the whole situation proved futile as there is no way to get the colors and sounds recorded well enough with a phone, but oh, was it amazing. Awesome. Incredible. Breath-taking.

Once I got my rationale back I returned to the coffee pot, gathered the dogs and we happily returned to the porch together to enjoy our quiet time. Of course everything had changed. The air had lost it's glow, the birds were singing, roosters were crowing and the rainbow was gone...just as if it hadn't been real. As if it hadn't happened at all.

Sitting in my rocker I wanted to save the feelings I had just moments before. I didn't want to forget them and I wanted to share them! What if I hadn't gotten up? If I hadn't needed more cream I would not have gone outside. I would've missed the blessing.

One of my greatest joys is serving others. My greatest is serving HIM and by serving others I am serving Him thus my endless blessings. Not that I am adorned with sainthood and run around anointing others 24/7, but I find joy in the things I am able to do for others. So, the big question is, am I allowing others the same joy?

If I don't open myself up to help, prayer, the gifts of others, I deny them the ability to receive joy. What if I'm the only one they are led to serve that day? What if my rejection subdues their desire to try again?

Strangers opening doors, helping carry my pizza to the car or even a family member offering to do a menial task in my place are opportunities to show God's grace; to be a light of His blessing.

As I'm thankful for the blessings He pours on me daily: beautiful mornings, rainbows, joy, friends, family, love, peace...I'm learning to let the light of Christ shine through the cracks in my battered and broken shell; and as I do, my list of blessing grows exponentially.

Be a light. Receive the light. Receive the light to be a light.

1 Peter 4:8
Galatians 6:10
1 Peter 5:6
2 Peter 3:18
Matthew 5:16
photo credit: my dear friend Kay

Simple Prayer

Father-carry me.

I’m tired and sore.
My burdens are heavy and I can’t drag them anymore.
Please Father, carry me.
Sleep is restless and I’m weary.
Satan is threatening to ruin this day. I beg of you, please keep him away.
I need you to carry me, just a little way.
I know I’m lowly, a sinner, it’s true.
I fall and I stumble, I fail everyday. Still you are there, waiting and watching, picking me up.
Dust off my failures and shine on my face.
I welcome your comfort, your mercy and grace.
Help me my Father, to get through this day.
And every day after, til finally I’m free to leave this place.

Thar's a Hole In My Bucket Dear Liza

There are holes everywhere! My husband has at least a dozen pair of boots with a hole in the sole. His jeans constantly get holes in them. Dogs dig holes. The streets around here keep getting bigger and bigger holes. Some holes are hard to patch, others are not repairable at all, but it seems that most holes have one thing in common; the need to be filled.

Soles have to be replaced or the footwear could be too far gone and the best thing to do is move on. I keep patching the jeans until it's silly. Patches often seem to cause a bigger hole. Fill a hole that the dog made and they'll likely just dig a bigger one and the streets...well, we all know how that goes. At any rate, effort is typically made to fill holes whether by reconstructing, patching or with a good filler that will hopefully last. Or like in the song, Henry had a long list of problems just trying to fix one hole in one stinkin' bucket.

Our hearts have holes that need to be filled. We pour out our hearts to others and when we lose someone we love it can feel as if our heart is empty. Sometimes the hole in our heart can be very evident. At times it can feel like a huge, vast, dark space and we're not sure how to remedy that ache. I don't like the thought of an empty heart.

I know people who wander around stuffing things into their heart space trying to make the pain stop or the ache subside and often they find something that will help temporarily: substance abuse, shopping excursions, food, the list goes on and on but the emptiness keeps returning. Sometimes, it gets bigger and deeper causing more pain and more wrong attempts at fixing.

Ecclesiastes reveals that this practice has gone on for ages. Solomon is one example; he had it all! Wealth, houses, vineyards, gardens, servants, possessions, cattle, silver, gold, everything that pleased his eye-he got. (Chapter 2 vs 1-10)

True to history, those fillers didn't last. (vs 11-20) ..."and there was no profit...(15) Then said I in my heart, As it happeneth to the fool, so it happeneth even to me; and why was I then more wise? Then I said in my heart, that this also is vanity." (16) "For there is no remembrance of the wise more than of the fool for ever; seeing that which now is in the days to come shall all be forgotten. And how dieth the wise man? as the fool." (vs20) "Therefore I went about to cause my heart to despair of all the labour which I took under the sun." (vs22-23) "For what hath man of all his labour, and of the vexation of his heart, wherein he hath laboured under the sun? For all his days are sorrows...."

How despairing! It's sad to think of all the things Solomon did to try and make himself happy. We see the same things now days, and the same sad returns. Worse even as people wreck their lives and lose their families, even their lives.

There is hope! (vs26) "For GOD giveth to a man that is good in his sight wisdom and knowledge and joy!"

We can all fill our hearts with God's love. The hole in the heart that just can't seem to be filled is God shaped. It truly is. Once that space is cleaned out and filled correctly, it will stay full as long as we keep our relationship with Him. Our free will is apt to push Him aside and try to cram other fillers in that space, but He's always there waiting for us to make room for Him again. Hebrews 13:5 "Let your conversation be without covetousnss; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee."

I know how easy it can be to try to get a "quick fix". Those things may make one happy for a time, yes, but they don't stick. As quick as that ice cream gets digested, those hurt feelings come back, often with a friend called guilt! Now compounded, the heavy feelings of hurt, shame, disgust and more flood into your heart and weigh it down heavy. That new item can bring a rush of temporary joy, but when the bill comes along...bleh.

Call upon the Lord. He is worthy and will always listen. Fill that space in your heart with His love....before you kick tha bucket, Dear Liza!

Above Us Among Us

The other day I met Phil, he was part of the team that saved Jessica from the well over thirty years ago. Phil had an incredible story...about his wife.

Rosemary is a tiny, pistol of a woman. A west Texas native. Born and raised in the Permian Basin, she's tough with a capital "T". One could sense her attitude when she walked into the room. She wasn't haughty or crass, much the opposite. Rosemary exuded a confidence and strength to be envied.

Born in a time where conveniences were rare and everyone had to carry their own weight, this tiny woman clearly had a big determination, a strong character and little fear. Her voice was strong and matter-of-fact as she greeted the receptionist and as she chose her seat to wait I knew she was a strong woman. .

As I sat in the waiting room with Rosemary's husband, he started a conversation with me. I could barely soak up the stories he told me and my head began to pound as I focused on everything he said and tried to process each detail so I wouldn't forget a single morsel. This big, soft-spoken man openly shared with me the journey that they had been on during their life together.

Moving from Odessa only to decide a few years later they were too far from emergency help; they moved again. Barely unpacked, Rosemary was diagnosed. 300 miles from "home", far from any friends or family.

It wasn't enough for Rosemary to have a heart attack. No. Next she had an aneurysm, then a stroke and eye surgery. Now she had to face Breast Cancer.

Her response to the cancer diagnosis is understandable to me. She dug in her heels and said "NO!".

As this quiet man shared the dark details of a scary and painful part of their life together, I nodded my head vigorously at that statement. Recently life had brought real questions to my mind around how I would deal with certain situations.

Rosemary's story got even better when she returned to the waiting room....

This beautiful woman sat down beside me, whom she'd never met, and began to open up about her experience. A revelation that would impact me more than she knew. I hadn't told her one single thing. Not even my name. I had only smiled at her, but she knew...she knew exactly what to say.

Rosemary told me that her mother battled cancer. She had witnessed what the horrid treatment of the disease could do to someone first hand. Therefore, this was not an option for her as far as she was concerned. Radiation was out of the question, but she hadn't considered Chemo...

One afternoon as she sent her husband to the store, she yelled to him on his way out, "And stop by that little church while you're there!"

At the time she didn't know why that had popped into her head except that the church was in the same strip mall as the store he was headed to and they were new in town and hadn't yet found a church home, so she beckoned him to check it out.

Phil didn't exit the car in the parking lot of that little church before he was welcomed by the pastor. Before he made it home with the groceries, four ladies were at Rosemary's door. Skeptical and defensive, she cracked the door open and soon found herself in tears as they informed her that she was NOT going to go through this fight alone. Each one of these women, including the pastor's wife, had all battled breast cancer and they knew what she was not only going through, but also what she was up against.

The five of them rallied together and bonded like no other group of friends could. They cared for Rosemary, cried with her, cursed cancer alongside her and loved her.

Patiently and openly she shared with me; her change of heart and how she gained support from the church she now calls home. She never sought help-so to speak, she didn't attend any of the suggested support groups, but boy did she get some wonderful help. She was never alone of course- She's a believer you know. In His divine way, knowing Rosemary and her strong will, God placed some mighty warriors in her path. Not only were they her kind of strong, they were her kind of caring, supportive, understanding and loving. She could not deny they were put there specifically for her.

That day I had the pleasure to meet Rosemary, A true Angel, as she visited her cancer doctor for a four month follow up from her last Chemotherapy go 'round. She is cancer free. And I can't help but thank God that He put her there specifically for me.

Psalms 91

...(vs11) For he shall give his angels charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways.

Preparation H

"Murphy's Law", "Preachin' to tha Choir", "when you point at someone's faults there are three fingers pointing back at you". All these sayings were made up from someone's experience. I can relate to all of 'em!

This morning I was hit with my need for Preparation H.

Instead of carrying the craziness that I was allowing to fill my head, I decided to let it all out. I started talking out my feelings about some stuff, aloud. I hear myself better that way...boy do I sound dumb. The list of things that were bothering me seemed silly once I admitted them to myself. As I realized how irrational I was being I asked God to prepare my heart. I needed "Preparation H" stat! Preparation of my heart.

Oh boy, humble pie without a la mode. No sugar coating for me.

The past few days I've had my fill of that pie. Have you had those types of days? Days where you catch yourself face to face with the reality of your actions? It's hard to be humbled.

In the first serving of my humble pie, I only had a slice and quickly turned my thoughts around to what I knew was right. There wasn't a person in the room with me that was perfect, but we were all in the perfect place at the same time.

Every one of us has stories that we may or may not be proud of-that's life; experiences, mistakes, accomplishments or whatever, just because I "think" I know someone's story doesn't give me the right to make speculation about how they live their life and whether or not they should be a part of anything or not. Including, and especially-Church. That's being judgmental and hypocritical. St. Matthew 7: 1-5 "Judge not, that ye be not judged...(vs 5) Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye."

My second helping of Humble Pie dealt with the fact that I didn't want to admit that I was being selfish. I can't expect someone to know how I feel if I don't tell them. When I think I'm being disrespected it doesn't mean that it's so. Not everyone thinks the same way I do and if I put myself in their place I can shine light on my own failures.

Not only were my feelings stealing my joy, they were not allowing me to show God's grace.

It is so freeing to let go of the things that drag us down: bitterness, envy, jealously, anger. People can change if they want to, but if they don't choose to, let God deal with them. In the mean time, just treat them as you would want to be treated if you were having a hard time: patience, kindness, generosity, LOVE and especially prayer. We can always ask for them to have a heart change. God can prepare their heart just like He can ours.

When you find yourself having difficulty showing grace to someone, If possible, just stay away from them, but pray for them. Don't allow Satan to accomplish his goal of hardening your heart and staling your grace toward those who need to receive it.

Proverbs 16=A heaping helping of Preparation H!

Which Seed Are You?

Have you ever been to a meeting, class or conference where you expected to learn something, only to leave more confused? I've been to conferences where so much information was packed into a day that there was no way I could process it all. One session in particular was about how an autistic brain works. It was an incredibly interesting session and I tried to take notes as best I could; I wanted to ingest every detail.

It's easy to wonder if those presenters just spew forth their information to see who can pick it apart and make sense of it. One could wonder if it's a process to weed out those who don't really have a desire to know the stuff they're teaching...Perhaps they recite their learnings and if you don't pick up what they're throwin' down, then it wasn't meant for you anyway. Sometimes I felt as if I had picked the wrong breakout sessions at some of those conferences. None of what they were talking about made any sense to me at all.

In St. Matthew Chapter 13, I imagine some of the "multitudes" that were standing around waiting to hear what Jesus had to say may have felt the way I did when I tried to make sense of those sessions.

You may be familiar with verses 3-9, (if not, google it) The Parable of the Sower; seeds here and there, good ground and bad. I typically imagine in my mind, the visual aspects of the parable; a tall barefooted farmer walking along with a burlap bag full of seeds. He leisurely flings handfuls of seed as he walks along a narrow and dusty path, tossing them onto the rocky, cactus covered ground, as well as where the path was trodden hard. There are birds flying about, picking up as much of the seed as possible. Seedlings peeking up out of the dirt only to be blown away in the wind-You get the idea.

I would like to emphasize the rest of the story...verses 18-23. I'll try to keep it short. Here's a "BACF" version.

"If anyone hears the gospel but doesn't understand, and doesn't seek someone to explain it, Satan swoops in and diverts their attention and places new information, bad information where the gospel was initially placed on their heart. Alternatively, there are those who hear the gospel and receive it with excitement! They're joyful and happy to hear that they can be loved unconditionally and find hope in the cross! But they don't pursue their salvation and they give space and time for Satan to come and taunt them with questionings and cause them to feel persecuted so they lose their way. Then there are those that hear the gospel but they're so prideful and calloused they cannot let go of their sin: the love of material things, habits, anything that they think will bring them happiness. Although they may gain more riches or gather more "things", they are never really "fruitful" in their lives. They turn from the Word and try to survive by their own means only to die alone and confused about their eternity. Finally there are those that hear the gospel and dig in deeper. They ask the questions, learn the truths and find ways to help others learn as well!"

The session I attended about the Autistic Brain was fascinating to me. I didn't want the lesson to end as I soaked up every word, chart, image and diagram that I could. I didn't understand everything, but I wanted to learn more. I gained enough information to set me on fire! Energized with the new understandings I had received, I was eager to share with others and test my findings; which I was able to do. What a difference it made in my life and it made a difference in others too, as the "fruit" I bore grew in me and I was blessed to be able to cultivate it to others who also blossomed.

Understanding is a beautiful thing. It's not always an easy thing and that's okay, but don't stop trying. Especially when you are striving to understand the Word. Every time I read any part of it, I learn something more. More about myself, about others, life, death, forgiveness and especially love. There is so much love in this book. It fills you up with it and makes you want to share with others.

Whether you're waiting to sprout, digging your roots in or already full of fruit, be seated in good ground. Know you were planted for a purpose. You are important! Even if you're just starting to learn, share what you know with others. Someone in your path needs to know the truth- John 3.16 BACF "God loved us all so much that He sent His one and only son to be crucified: 'put to death by nailing to a cross for sins that He didn't commit-for OUR sins so that we don't have to be punished' so that whoever believes this can live with Him forever in Heaven." If that's all you know for sure, you are already ahead of the class.

Once you get your head wrapped around this, go read the rest of the chapter! WOW! Maybe I'll break apart the "wheat and thistle" one day..

Don't Wonder Just Follow

Years...and years ago, in my fat cursive script, the words were scrolled onto a sheet of notebook paper. 213 words to be exact. I don't remember if there was a prompt for this assignment, but I do remember the teacher's response to it and for some reason I've kept it all these years:

"What Hasth Thou Meant for Me Lord?
I know you wish me happiness, and you are always there for me when I'm in distress. But what hasth thou meant for me Lord? I worry and wonder if I'm not doing right, I pray to you faithfully every night.
I feel you pulling on my heart Lord. I heard you speak to me today.
The Bible says you often speak unto us by actions or through other people. I heard you call unto me, through the pastor.
Oh Lord, I'm so confused. I hear you calling me, but I don't understand.
Oh God! I get so much boiled up inside, but I can't run and I can't hide.
No, I can't hide from your careful eye Lord. And you'll always be inside, inside my heart.
Sometimes I feel so alone, so I turn to you and my loneliness goes away.
Often I feel I am lost, and you always help me to find my way.
You know what I'm thinking Lord, you know how I feel. You know all the things that only time can reveal.
So help me Lord, to do what is right.
Please Lord, be my guiding light. Please help me to find what thou hasth meant for me Lord. Amen"

Today I read these words again, knowing them almost by heart I've read them so many times, why am I still asking?

I'm reminded of Moses as he led the people out of Egypt. All along he kept seeking God's will. Through the hardships and the grumbling of thousands who trusted that he knew the way, Moses continually sought God's grace and leadership and often had to plea for His mercy.

Exodus 33:13 "Now therefore, I pray thee, if I have found grace in thy sight: and consider that this nation is thy people. 14 And he said, My presence shall go with thee, and I will give thee rest."

The chapter goes on to tell about Moses asking God to show His glory to him; and God did.

All those years ago my teacher had encouraged me to write. It's my fault I didn't listen to her, or to God, and studied more so that I could be a better writer. But then, I remember too that Moses didn't want to do what he was told at first. He wasn't confident in his ability, but God gave him the courage and the tools and stayed with him the entire time. It took years...and years, but the mission was accomplished.

One day I will shout John 17:4-5 "I have glorified thee on the earth: I have finished the work which thou gavest me to do."

But until then, I DO have rest and He shows me His glory every day. There isn't a moment without evidence that He is with me. And to be honest, He IS answering my forever question...it's up to me to seek His will, follow Him and work to glorify Him in everything I do; that in itself gives me peace and the rest He promised Moses-which Moses finally received. Until the time comes for the eternal rest I long for, I'll keep seeking His face...even though I'll likely only see the back of Him; which is awesome because that means I'm following!

Until we see His face, may you always seek His back! Stay faithful friend, He will!

Persistence Pays Off

When I was probably around 12 or 13 years old, I wanted something so badly that I got on my knees every night and prayed. I prayed hard. Pleading for my parents to change their mind and let me have what I wanted. Praying for God to make all the planets align so that what I wanted would be.

Persistent is defined as: Continuing firmly or obstinately in a course of action in spite of difficulty or opposition. Synonyms include: tenacious, persevering, determined, but also: purposeful, patient and assiduous.

God appreciates persistent prayer. Why? Well, many things happen when you pray persistently.

1. You call on Him. He looks forward to time with you. Focused, engaging, one-on-one time, just you and Him. Psalm 145:18

2. He longs for you to ask Him for all things. Matthew 21:22

3. It enables Him to work on your heart. Ephesians 1:17-21

Often what we think we want is not what's best for us. When we spend time praying, we open our heart and mind to conviction and conforming. As we pour out our wants and needs to God, we realize them aloud, and allow Him to begin His work in and through us. As this work is happening, we begin to realize the faults in our plan, His will for our life, the selfish asks we are wanting. And patience. By voicing our prayers again and again, we may allow events to play out in due time, where we would have messed up the whole plan had we had it "our" way from the get-go.

Even Jesus prayed persistently. Matthew 26:36-43, Mark 14:32-40, and of course Luke 22:42-44.

During my nightly, fervent praying in that time of my youth, I didn't realize that I was the one that needed a heart change, not my parents. They knew what was best for me. So did God.

Although it still amazes me that I had sought my parents permission in the first place, the fact that I did showed honor to them as well as to God. That's a commandment after all. However, it is not surprising that God took charge in my life, and I remember the lesson today. That was a turning point for me in my faith. When all was said and done, I was able to go back to my knees and thank God for NOT answering the way I wanted Him to. My prayers WERE answered, and I was blessed way more than I expected.

Psalm 37:3-6 "Trust in the Lord, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed. (4) Delight thyself also in the Lord: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. (5) Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass. (6) And he shall bring forth thy righteousness as the light, and thy judgment as the noonday."

BACF- "Put your trust in God. He will lead you though it, provide for you always. Find pleasure in doing what He puts on your heart to do and give Him the glory. Allow Him free reign of your heart and He will bless you."

Chance Of A Lifetime

During a time of quiet and stillness, as I was enjoying the peace and fullness of blessing I am privileged to have in my day, I realized it may be short lived. This might be the last chance to rock in this chair with good weather. Today could be the last day this grass is green. These birds may not come here tomorrow. The sunrise will most likely be different and the world as I know it could change vastly five seconds from now.

I had to wonder, who woke up today with a horrible phone call? What mother is laying her child to rest today, when just a few days ago they were happy and healthy? How do I know that I will get to rest comfortably in my bed tonight? Was last night the last time I will dance a waltz? Have I eaten my last crawfish or driven home safely for the last time? Did I miss the last opportunity to tell someone how I feel about them?

Thrice this week I've been challenged to submit. As I realize this, I also know it's not a challenge that I can choose not to take. I've been convicted-brought about to face the fact that somehow, I have not fully released myself to God. Oh sure, I ask Him to use me for His glory. I ask Him to guide and orchestrate my day...but do I fully allow that? Today I know He's going to be asking me in a very profound way to be obedient and to forget my wants and focus on my "needs". My "needs" will become my "have-to's". There won't be choice of later, or tomorrow, it'll be right now. My choice of how to deal with what I'm convicted will be a choice of a lifetime. What will I do...?

In this moment, I can easily say, "I will one hundred percent trust you God! Your will be done in and through me because I know YOU will be there with me. You will lead me through it! Even carry me when I can't go on anymore. I trust you to hold my hand as we face this together and I will look forward to how you bless the end result" but what if I don't say that when the time really comes? What if I'm caught off guard? Perhaps I'm in the middle of something important! How about if I'm busy in sin even! What will I say then-"Hang on a sec God, I'll get right to that." "Wait! I'm not ready God!" or "NO! You can't do that to me God!".

As I type this, I'm sitting on my quiet porch; a cool, spring breeze is blowing. The birds are singing, the sheep are chewing their cud and my old Labrador is snoring on a blanket beside me. My bare feet rock the comfortable chair I'm sitting in and the wifi is working well. For some reason I know this could all change in the next millisecond. Am I ready for any and every thing? I always say I'm ready to go, but what if my passing includes the passing of someone I love? What if it only comes after much suffering? Will there be challenges and sacrifices that proceed my passing? I don't know.

It may not be healthy to consider these things every moment of every day, but being as prepared as possible is important. My kids didn't plan to come home to a destroyed house after a tornado whipped through and tore it apart 7-8 years ago. I didn't plan to have a child hospitalized for 4 1/2 months. No one plans to have police officers knock on their door with the heavy news they often have to deliver.

Life can change in the blink of an eye, and that's not just a quirky saying. Life is real, it is in no way like the movies. It doesn't get wrapped up in two hours with a nifty ending and a round of applause, it is unpredictable and at risk of major upheaval at any time.

You can write your own ending though-Get right with God. Seal that deal. Then pray you're as ready as you can be for what happens next, and hang on tight; it's likely to be a bumpy ride.

Ecclesiastes 9: 10-12 "Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might; for there is no work, nor device, nor knowledge, nor wisdom, in the grave, whither thou goest. (11) I returned, and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all. (12) For man also knoweth not his time: as the fishes that are taken in an evil net, and as the birds that are caught in the snare; so are the sons of men snared in an evil time, when it falleth suddenly upon them."

BACF translation: Don't put off till tomorrow what needs to be done today. Nothing you have, nothing you've done matters when your time on earth is done. Don't get caught as a child of the devil because death comes suddenly.

Don't miss your chance of a lifetime. Say what needs to be said, share what needs to be shared. Do what needs to be done.

Look Forward to Getting Your Food

Yesterday while waiting on my father-in-law's EKG results, he said he'd like to go to our favorite grocery store while we were in town. Well, that quickly made a discouraging trip better!

A while back, on the other side of the same town for a different doctor visit, I drug him to that grocery store selfishly...because I needed a pick me up. Well, he was introduced to the wonder, freshness, welcoming, fully staffed, store and he too fell in love.

There is much to be said about how a place makes you feel. Lately I've had many different establishments to compare and reflect upon. Sometimes I have to peruse the shelves of my least favorite shopping establishment due to the choice of pharmacy my FIL uses; and while it has it's advantages, I despise going there. It's too big, people are not approachable, they seem to run from you if you look like you need help and although the quantity of goods are plentiful, the produce has no flavor. Thus, when he mentioned he'd like to run over and get some of the fresh, sweet, delectable, locally grown strawberries at our favorite store, I gladly obliged!

It's so easy to compare this situation to another-Church. Why make going to church a routine necessity? It can be something to look forward to! I have friends and family members who have had mixed experiences with going to church and while one is not a perfect match for all, everyone should feel happy to go.

Some folks swear by a super shopping center. They love walking up and down the isles and crisscrossing the immense square footage while others prefer a more quiet, quaint, convenient, store. I see the pros and cons of both and for me, the small town shopping experience is mucho bettero. The same goes for my church home. I know production, the latest text and vast spaces are a draw to some and that's great, but I love the feeling I get when I walk into my little country church. I can't hide in the back, the Word is taught in truth and love; and I feel like I'm at home. Honest care and concern wash over me when I'm there; so much so that it actually comes out of me too! That's amazing, trust me.

A body needs physical food. Get it wherever you feel happy and good about the freshness and quality. The same can be said for spiritual food. In both instances, where you go has so much to do with your outlook on going, as well as how you share your experience with others. Would you recommend your grocery store to a new person in town or a good friend? What about your church?

Acts 2 can shed light on my attempt to rationalize. The disciples along with Mary and over one hundred others were gathered together processing all the events that had just happened; reflecting on times of David, the Psalms that he had written, the works of John and even Judas. As they engaged in fellowship together, the Holy Spirit was upon them and they began sharing the gospel. It didn't matter that there were people from all over, different nations were hearing the same message and understanding! (vs. 11: Cretes and Arabians, we do hear them speak in our tongues the wonderful works of God.) They were amazed and perplexed as they sought the meaning of it all. Peter was quick to confirm that they were not all crazy or drunk, but they were full of the Spirit and prophesy. (vs 14-18)
Peter then encouraged all to repent and be baptized, to save themselves from this "untoward generation"! (Sound familiar?) Around three thousand were gathered then as they continued teaching and learning and praying. Each person grew happy together and as they moved on, their
countenance caused more to inquire, learn and join them. (vs 44-46). Resulting in a growing church. Verse 47: "Praising God, and having favour with all the people. And the Lord added to the church daily such as should be saved."

Wow. Over 2000 years ago and still relevant today. This is what we're called to do. Called to BE. Witnesses to others, growing the church. (which isn't a building y'all, It's a unity)

The red-shirted employees at my favorite grocery are testament to their belief in the goodness of their store, their leaders and their products. They help make me excited to go there. On the flip side, the paycheck grabbers at the other place seem sullen and unhappy as they check their watches for break time. They aren't helpful nor do they seem happy to be there; thus making me feel like attending is a chore.

The people gathered during the Pentecost wanted to learn what had happened and how it applied to them. Energized and on fire with the Holy Spirit, they left everything and went onward to share what they knew with everyone. People heard about their coming and ran out to meet them-welcoming them. That's how I feel when I go to church. I go, looking forward to what I'll learn and I leave on fire, filled with the Holy Spirit and excited to share this feeling and knowledge with everyone! ...praying that it falls on the right ones; the ones who need it, are receptive to it and will also be filled up and ready to pour onto others.

Yeehaw! I can hardly wait for the next trip to church! I'm excited to see happy faces and welcoming hands; ready to be satisfied and filled with the sweetness of Christ's love and teaching fresh from the WORD! And even though my fridge is full of fresh, sweet, fruit from the heart of Texas, I'm already looking forward to my next trip to the ..., ahem, my favorite grocery store.

Go in peace! Enjoy the weekend and all His blessings that He generously pours onto us all daily...accept His forgiveness, His mercy and His grace. Days are not always wonderful, there are hard and heavy times, but they will end. Let Him carry you when you can't go any further. These days are numbered and they will end. Have something to look forward to, a home where there is noting wrong. Revelation 21:4.

Too Much of a Good Thing...is that possible?

Our goat Billy FuFu looks like a gluten as he lays eating out of the bucket, but he's pretty good about knowing when to stop. Unlike my overweight equine who would eat until he pops, Billy likes to enjoy his food and then go on his way. CJ, my "Gordo" horse, eats his ration and has to check everyone else's stall for left-overs before he goes out to graze. Every day is about the same as chow time comes around; all the animals know the schedule and show up for the meals they count on each day, not that they couldn't skip one or two.

Understandably, dogs like chicken, horses like grain and humans like anything that makes us feel good. Chips and salsa has always been something that gives me a restraint challenge but sure makes me happy! Growing up we were allowed one soda a day and were limited on treats. As an adult I understand limitations like that, we don't need too much of those things, but at the time it seemed like a punishment at the time and us kids always wanted more; more of what we couldn't have. Now I know the importance of moderation...for some things.

Family gatherings, sunrises, a good sleep and grandkid love are a few glorious things that I cannot imagine having too much of. A home full of laughter and love does me good. Watching the sun rise up to pour it's rays onto the earth fills me with astonishment as it wakens the quiet stillness. It's different every day and I look forward to seeing how the show plays out. Snuggling up with a good quilt in a cool room with happy dreams and no alarm is my idea of a good rest. And nothing can compare with hugs, kisses and cuddles with the sweetest, most loving, adorable, giggly, precious, little angels on the earth! I cannot imagine ever wanting any of that to end. Surely it's impossible to have too much of those good things.

I know where all those good things originate from and I'm inexpressibly grateful. I'm so grateful in fact, I want to share my gratitude with others. What in the world could I do to convey my thanks for those things that bring me so much joy and pleasure? How can I even begin to show how much they strengthen and drive me? Maybe I will never know, but I'll always try to convey while using my gifts, sharing my joy and praying for His guidance. 1 Peter 4: 10-11.

The joy of blessing, the realization of the blessings that God has taken the time to hand to me and knowing the amazing love He has for me, are the most incredible things I KNOW I cannot get too much of.

I imagine God couldn't get too much of our praise. Using our gifts to honor Him, and sharing the story of Jesus with others likely brings Him joy and pleasure. Knowing that we've done our part to fill the Kingdom with His people...well, there should never be enough of that. 1 Peter 4: 17!

And always, 1 Peter 5:11 This one I'll type out for you. "To him be glory and dominion for ever and ever. Amen."

Hippity Hoppity Easter's on it's way!

There are a few songs that come to me when I'm inclined to sing aloud: Winter Wonderland, Jingle Bells and Here Comes Peter Cottontail are some of the most popular. It doesn't matter what time of year it is, those are typically my go to songs. Sometimes I wonder why something more appropriate or new...or even grown up doesn't pop into my head, but I usually just roll along with one of the above.

As I was sorting laundry today Peter Cottontail was number one on the chart; I guess it was appropriate as Easter is this Sunday. Although, when Sunday rolls around I could very well be singing Winter Wonderland.

Ah-Easter. Memories flood my mind as I recall growing up Easter Sunday included Mamaw's fried chicken, deviled eggs and the annual Egg Hunt in the front yard of her East Texas home. All the usual hiding places were utilized: in the downspout, under huge magnolia tree leaves, in the cart pulled by the cement donkey. New outfit, church and family. Good food and an after meal walk on the old oil roads. I even remember the smell of those hard boiled eggs that sat in my basket for weeks...

This year I'm thinking we better get to church early and dust off the pews for the ChrEasters that will be arriving for one of the two services they attend each year- Christmas and Easter. Hopefully we'll have a full crowd! I'm confident the sermon will be on point, but I wonder if it will be around Mark 16. That would be more than fine with me! I love that story! I know it by heart! I wonder if the ChrEaster's do too...since they hear it so often. But do they understand that there are many other amazing stories they miss? Surely they know Jesus was born in a manger to a virgin and that He wasn't in the tomb...but what about the rest of the stories? Do they know about them?

Do the folks who only go to church twice a year, unless there's a wedding or a funeral, know about Moses and all he went through? What about David, how great he was and how he struggled? Have they heard about Paul and his incredible transformation? Surely they've heard about Noah, but what about all the details that aren't typically portrayed in children's books and printed materials? He and his animals were not always smiling... Having only been to church a few times, have they missed the story of Job, the person not a place of work, and how he stayed faithful through satan's tortures for seven years and then got his socks blessed off once his trials ended? Do they know about Ruth? She actually loved her mother in law! Can they fathom how wide the red sea had to be parted for thousands of people to cross it? Can someone who has never heard the whole story of Easter understand why He wasn't in the tomb? Do they know what He went through before He was placed there? It wasn't even His tomb, do they know?

I could keep going, there are so many beautiful, sorrowful, wonderful, heart-wrenching, struggles and victories in this book! So much sacrifice, and blessing and trials and love. I could read it a thousand times and get something new from it every time. I could hear someone tell stories from it hundreds of times and learn more and more with every version. It would be hard to pick a favorite, or even the most important part of this love letter to us. It's all valuable.

Just incase you haven't heard, or you aren't a bonafide ChrEaster, the Easter story is so much more than can be taught in one forty five minute session once a year. I could write a book on it...Ha! The best one has already been written.

Bunnies are cute and chocolate is tasty, but there is so much more to Easter. If you've not become one of the valued ChrEaster's, I pray you join up this Sunday. You charter members, your seat will be ready for you. Next Sunday too! There'll be a whole new story then!

As I finish up the laundry I'll sing another favorite loud and proud! Jesus Loves Me...this I know, for the Bible tells me so...

~St. Mark 16: 15 "And he said unto them, Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature." That goes for us too! (Hint: it's also part of the Easter story.)

Death and Taxes

If it's true that all you can really count on is death and taxes, then I wonder if we spend as much time figuring out our death as we do our taxes.

Tax day is set. It's on the calendar. Every year we know it's coming. Even if you file for extension- it's coming. On the other hand, death is unpredictable and can happen at any time. Both are inevitable, but it seems to me that we should plan better.

Throughout the year I try to keep meticulous record of every single thing that I need to have for my CPA; then one cold, winter day I set aside time to gather it all up and organize it after I make the appointment to drop it off. Wham-Bam-Done. April 15th is just another regular day for me. Honestly, I like to plan. I get anxious when things are disorganized so that's just how I roll. In reality it's not always how life goes for me though.

My Mamaw had her "death" all planned out. She didn't plan the date of course, but other than that, she had every last detail arranged: songs, outfit, casket, plot, headstone...even who got what from her stuff. Bless her heart, she had to wait a long time for her plan to play out, she lived to be 101!

Not everyone likes to think about their demise, but I'd like to point out one very important consideration; even if you chose not to plan anything else about your own passing, even if you don't want to ponder your departure from life as you know it, please consider one very important thing: where you're goin'.

I'll just throw this out there: I could not care less if I have a casket, funeral, party, obituary, any of that. If it were up to me, throw me in the burn pile and have a party. That may not be proper, but I've never been accused of that anyway. My point is, I'll be finished. I will finally get what I've wanted all my life. Celebration will be in order because I will be on my way to the ultimate eternity.

I've planned out my finish, my "after-death" so to speak. I know Mamaw did too. She took care of this important detail way before she had her outfit cleaned and hung on her closet door. She accepted Christ as her savior and that was that. If we had stuck her in a cardboard box dressed in her housecoat she would still have ended up in Heaven just as she would in the beautiful casket she picked out and paid for.

Today whether you are rushing to the post office at midnight, filing for an extension or have already spent the return you had directly deposited into your bank account, make sure you file your eternity arrangement. It's fast, easy and forever. You never have to do it again! The benefits are not contingent on any questionnaire or law and there is no waiting period or worry that they won't get sent to the right address. It's the most trustworthy "direct deposit" and the most secure investment you will ever make. Do it today! Time is not on your side.

Romans 6:22 "But now being made free from sin, and become servants to God, ye have your fruit unto holiness, and the end everlasting life."

If you aren't sure how, ask me! I'll 'splain it to you! It just takes a confession, a decision and an ask.

This Too Shall Pass...WHEN?!?! How long do I have to wait...

Seriously-Why does it always seem that when things are rough time drags on and on...and on...? I know all the scriptural sayings. I understand what it means to wait on God. I GET what happens when we endure the hardships and come out victorious on the other side...when I'm on the other side. It's when I'm doing the "enduring" that I have a hard time remembering.

Ms. Linda has been fighting cancer for over ten years. You wouldn't know it to meet her. She's a feisty lady who's small in stature, but big in spirit. She has a Texan twang and a quick comeback for any statement. I loved her as soon as I saw her. Three different cancers, three different types of treatments. What in the world keeps her spirits up? How would I handle a life like hers? I truly don't want to find out, but I'll not soon stop reminding myself of her spunk and fight.

I just don't like "hard roads". Not even a bump. Whether it's a friend who's sick, a family member having a rough week or even my obese equine having a sore foot; I get concerned and it throws off the routine of my blissful day. Good thing too, these things remind me that I have something more important to do than laundry. Shame on me for sitting in my bubble and shutting out the fact that life is messy and hard.

Thankfully I have enough sense to know that those bumps will eventually level out and the more I experience them, the quicker I look for the end that I know is coming. Some ends are harder to see as I don't have any clue how in the world the situation will resolve nevermind when. I'm even getting better about realizing there are times that I can't do anything about them at all. Except pray.

Don't ever underestimate the power of a good prayer. Even more, don't ever miss an opportunity to ask for a good prayer. Sometimes that person you ask to pray just needs a little nudge to do so. They may be waiting for a "good excuse" to strike up a conversation with the best listener and problem solver ever. It could even be that the hills that are thwarting the goals of those you care about are just needing the hand of God to show the path that leads to the crest where His glory can be revealed, but He's waiting on that special ask.

If your road gets bumpy, hit your knees. When someone you know is facing a winding, treacherous path, pray for them. Be mindful of your own need for prayer and let someone help smooth out your hard route. I'm confident that when I can't concentrate on mundane tasks and routine chores get wacky, it's because I'm not doing what's important-praying. Once I have a good chat with God and get everything off my chest/out of my mind, everything seems to let loose of the tightly wound mess it was in my heart and freely works out according to His will. His will may not be the quick answer that we think would be best, but it is always full of love.

The God of the mountains is the God of the valley.

Even though we aren't Israel, David's words are very relevant and hopeful in Psalm 25-Check 'em out!