Don't Wonder Just Follow
Years...and years ago, in my fat cursive script, the words were scrolled onto a sheet of notebook paper. 213 words to be exact. I don't remember if there was a prompt for this assignment, but I do remember the teacher's response to it and for some reason I've kept it all these years:
"What Hasth Thou Meant for Me Lord?
I know you wish me happiness, and you are always there for me when I'm in distress. But what hasth thou meant for me Lord? I worry and wonder if I'm not doing right, I pray to you faithfully every night.
I feel you pulling on my heart Lord. I heard you speak to me today.
The Bible says you often speak unto us by actions or through other people. I heard you call unto me, through the pastor.
Oh Lord, I'm so confused. I hear you calling me, but I don't understand.
Oh God! I get so much boiled up inside, but I can't run and I can't hide.
No, I can't hide from your careful eye Lord. And you'll always be inside, inside my heart.
Sometimes I feel so alone, so I turn to you and my loneliness goes away.
Often I feel I am lost, and you always help me to find my way.
You know what I'm thinking Lord, you know how I feel. You know all the things that only time can reveal.
So help me Lord, to do what is right.
Please Lord, be my guiding light. Please help me to find what thou hasth meant for me Lord. Amen"
Today I read these words again, knowing them almost by heart I've read them so many times, why am I still asking?
I'm reminded of Moses as he led the people out of Egypt. All along he kept seeking God's will. Through the hardships and the grumbling of thousands who trusted that he knew the way, Moses continually sought God's grace and leadership and often had to plea for His mercy.
Exodus 33:13 "Now therefore, I pray thee, if I have found grace in thy sight: and consider that this nation is thy people. 14 And he said, My presence shall go with thee, and I will give thee rest."
The chapter goes on to tell about Moses asking God to show His glory to him; and God did.
All those years ago my teacher had encouraged me to write. It's my fault I didn't listen to her, or to God, and studied more so that I could be a better writer. But then, I remember too that Moses didn't want to do what he was told at first. He wasn't confident in his ability, but God gave him the courage and the tools and stayed with him the entire time. It took years...and years, but the mission was accomplished.
One day I will shout John 17:4-5 "I have glorified thee on the earth: I have finished the work which thou gavest me to do."
But until then, I DO have rest and He shows me His glory every day. There isn't a moment without evidence that He is with me. And to be honest, He IS answering my forever question...it's up to me to seek His will, follow Him and work to glorify Him in everything I do; that in itself gives me peace and the rest He promised Moses-which Moses finally received. Until the time comes for the eternal rest I long for, I'll keep seeking His face...even though I'll likely only see the back of Him; which is awesome because that means I'm following!
Until we see His face, may you always seek His back! Stay faithful friend, He will!
