Change The Station, I'm Tired of This Dance
It happened...again.
Three steps forward and ten steps back. So many things are running around in my thoughts as I process this time. This time...I hate that. I don’t want to have another “this time”. I want this to be the last time. I feel like a kid who’s been told, “Next time you’ll be grounded.” and I’m now at the grounded stage. I don’t want to find out if I’ll be let off the hook or not; if I’ll actually be grounded this time or “next time”. I don’t want a next time.
When does an offense become so bad that a change is made? Why do we push to that limit? Especially when we know it’s wrong.
Because we don’t want to change, that’s why. There’s a certain satisfaction with the momentary pleasure of the offense. That sneaky little adrenaline rush that doesn’t get noticed too much; then next time we need a little more and finally it gets out of hand until the consequences catch up and it’s too late to turn back. The deed has been done and trying to cover it up just causes more problems. Finally, the decisions we make that we know are wrong begin to affect those we love...not just ourselves. Too bad that’s what gets our attention.
Conviction is a tough thing. It hits hard and solid. Avoiding it takes a messed up soul and I can’t imagine the scars on a heart that has to deal with it in a way that totally turns it so hardened someone would give into their weakness so fully they cannot be reformed.
These days it’s harder and harder to ignore offenses. Cameras are everywhere. Social media is quick and accessible. Humans are smarter than ever...and more ignorant that ever.
I don’t need a camera to show me what I do wrong, or even what I do right. I have the Holy Spirit, and each time I’m convicted of my wrongdoings, my sin, my heart becomes softer and more responsive, instead of harder. Thank goodness.
When the story of King David is mentioned, I wonder what most people think of. Which part of his life is brought to mind...maybe his offenses? His desire for Bathsheba caused him his demise. He got away with it by using his power until she became pregnant...and then his sin increased to murder. But do we remember how he was before he had all that power? Where he came from and why he was raised up as King?
David was the lowest of his brothers, even overlooked. Still, he was chosen by God because of his heart. He was good. Throughout his young life David made good decisions, he sought God’s direction and guidance in everything he did. He cared for others and did as he was told. He was gifted in many ways as well; he played music, he was gifted with word and song, he was a good leader, caring of others, kind, a marksmen. But he was guilty of falling into sin. Weak in the flesh. And he lost sight of his path by giving into his weakness.
When I am weak, I am strong. Not because God carries me when I’m tired, but because He is stronger than my sin. By redirecting my fleshly desires, and because of the sacrifice Jesus made so I can be forgiven, I can overcome my weakness and allow the conviction of my continual sin to stop. I can change the direction I’m going by listening to the Holy Spirit when he whispers in my ear as I’m yelling and trying so hard to fight the temptation at hand. I hear him...I have to make myself listen, and stop. I’m humbled by my stupidity. Even as I tell myself I’m choosing the wrong path, I fight with what is right.
From now on as I prayerfully ask for those temptations to be out of my mind and for Him to replace that spot in my heart with patience, sacrifice...love, together we flick that devil off the opposite shoulder and let the Holy Spirit have the good ear. Both ears!
Sitting in the corner counting the bumps on the wall doesn’t help us “think about what we did” to get us there. Turning around and facing the consequences of our actions is much more powerful. My heart can’t take much more disappointing those I love. Whether there are cameras hidden, Alexa listening or big ears in a crowd, God is always seeing and listening. I’ll face Him one day and have to answer for everything I’ve done to hurt Him. That’s enough to make me want to change.
God should fill my heart so much that there isn’t room for any desire to do something that isn’t pleasing to Him. Thwarting His blessings and His love for me makes room for those things. Keeping my thoughts and mind in the Word reminds me of the blessings He gives me all day and all night, and of the love He has for me. So much love that He sent His son to die on the cross for me. That in itself should make me want to honor Him in every single thing I do. He gets the glory of anything good that comes from me, and anything that doesn’t honor Him needs to be learned from and changed so that I can be a better vessel of His love.
James 5: 16 “Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.”
1 Peter 1: 24 “Who his own self bare our sins in his own body on the tree, that we, being dead to sins, should live unto righteousness: by whose stripes ye were healed.”
