Clarity in the Chaos
It all came together for me today. Yep.
As I was vacuuming up sheep poop from my hand-scraped hardwood floors with my $500 Dyson around my mahogany dining room set and the 9’ pre-lit Christmas tree that still stands…(it is the end of March), it allll came together. “Pray without ceasing, count it all joy, this too shall pass, not my will but His, treasure in Heaven, distractions, stuff on earth is fleeting, etc.
So much has changed in the past 10 years. That may seem like a long time to some, but to me it’s a fraction of a fleeting moment.
I remember planning this move. Such vast differences from where I was. 1100 square feet to four times that. Fenced yard to acreage. One car garage to several structures. Everything within a hop and a skip to nothing within a 30 minute drive.
There was furniture to purchase, my dinky drop leaf table with two chairs would be ridiculous in this dining room under an actual crystal chandelier. The living room swallowed up the couch and chair I had and the tiny bed I inherited from my great-grandmother looked like it belonged to the dog…this life was gonna be a big change.
Plans were dreamt, Pinterest boards filled and ideas bombarded my brain.
Once the move was complete…Once the horse trailer was crammed with any and all that would fit, and most of the contents piled into ONE ROOM of the “new place”, work began.
Throwing myself into all the varied “dreams” that filled my head from creating “cool” crafts with all the random things/trash I found in the pasture, tending an enormous garden, trying my hand at bee keeping, exercising my beloved gelding, finding my way in and through the home I was trying so hard to create…I wore myself out.
I lost track of the “why”. Why was I here? Why did I leave the life I had? Why was I living…
Oh sure, I didn’t really ask myself these questions, but they were there. No, I floated through the light hours filling my time with STUFF. Busy busy busy. Idle hands are not in the plan. Can’t stay still, so much to do.
Finally I hit a wall. Thank goodness it didn’t put me in the hospital, it just sat my butt on the porch.
Slowly, likely because of my stubborn nature, slowly, slowly things began to be clear. Ah-ha! Moments would fly across my mind. I realized I was doing all those cliched analogies, “spinning my wheels” “running in place” “two steps forward and three steps back”. I was wasting time the whole time I was trying not to! The busier I made myself, the more time flew past me…that wasn’t being useful.
I got rid of the “stuff”, left the garden, the bees left too and things started falling into place. Suddenly my time was multiplied and my tasks became more meaningful and more fulfilling. I was energized in a whole new way! All at once, there weren’t enough hours in the day, but I was okay with it and all the things I thought were so important didn’t matter anymore.
Sure, I still try my best to care for the blessings I’ve been given: home, land, animals, furniture, vehicle…but my focus, my priorities are vastly different. Faith, family, friends and fellow human beings are far more important than “things” or “stuff”.
So, yeah, I have a lamb living in my home because it is too darn cold for her to fend for herself outside. I choose to have her inside instead of trying to bed down with her out there in the hay. Her diaper leaks sometimes, but I’m grateful for solid pellets and an awesome vacuum! And I’m married to a cowboy so I’ve gotten good at cleaning and polishing those floors.
Guess what else, I’m also JOYFUL to have the ability to care for this lamb. She is in the process of being weaned and learning how to be a sheep so I know that these days will pass and one day she will return the favor with healthy lambs for us.
When I think back on the day that she came home with me, I asked for HIS will to be done, not mine and the work He has done in and through me during the past couple of months has been life changing. Heart changing. And while I take on the chores at hand, I do pray. I pray without ceasing along with the hum of the vacuum, the spray of the windex, the swoosh of the mop, the mindless task of making the bed that I look forward to climbing back into at the end of a full and blessed day. And while I pray, I also lift praises for all that He has given me. And I thank Him for the promise of an eternal life with a new body, a new joy and forever.
Maybe sometimes I wonder if there’s poop in that world…there is ever so much in this one…
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 (may as well keep reading! )
Matthew 6:19-21
James 1:2-1
