The So Good-Very Bad Day...

The day was more busy than most; absolutely full to the max for each of us. We ticked off one thing after another but the remaining chores seemed so daunting and unending! As the day grew longer, it was evident that the tasks on my end of the list would have to be done alone.

Normally I do my best to do things by myself. Taking my time and figuring out how to get the job done is just how I like to work. Lifting, hauling and moving quickly are challenges for me but I don't do well with pity so I'd rather just work alone. I don't give pity and I certainly do not want it...except for that one day.

All day I had just taken one thing at a time. That morning, I knew it would be a long day and I had asked God to orchestrate every detail and He had! Each task had just ticked off one at a time. They hadn't necessarily been easy, but they had gotten completed and the next one would follow in time. After each chore was done, I thanked Him for helping me and went on to the next. Before I knew it, the day was two-thirds over! I rejoiced at how well it had gone and even patted myself on the back for a minute! Then, I got tired....

Oops.

It was like ringing a doorbell to Satan's apartment. He swooped right in and blew all the greatness of the day right out the window. I had almost made it all the way through this extremely hard and long day with a grateful and thankful heart! ...but one smidge of attitude ruined the whole thing.

I wanted so badly for just a little "compassion"...ha. I wanted pity! I wanted someone to feel sorry that I had to work so hard and do so much by myself. Even though just 15 minutes prior I was happy to keep that accomplishment to myself, knowing full well that I had NOT done everything by myself; God had been there. He lined out the day and guided me through each second of it. Not allowing me to worry or wonder how I was going to get everything done, He took care of every detail and He also carried me along. But a moment of pride, one breath of selfishness and all that was gone. I couldn't rewind. There wasn't any do-over for that moment. It was done. I felt sick to my stomach.

What would it have been like to have finished the day with the same glad and grateful heart I had for most of it? Oh how I wish I knew. Undoubtedly I would have felt more accomplished and exhilarated than I did when all was said and done. I felt low and filthy. And terribly sad.

I brought those feelings on myself. I made the decision to be offended that no one noticed my exhausted efforts. If I had given them time, I know they would have appreciated the efforts I had put into that day. But I didn't give them the time. Expecting accolades is not typically in my intentions. That wasn't why I did all those things! I had done them because I wanted to and because I could. Having everyone who partook of the efforts to have enjoyed them would usually have been enough to fill my cup. I WANTED to do all these things. I didn't want to be recognized. Me and God, we had tackled the entire, very long day and that should have been all the happy feelings I needed.

Shame on me for letting Satan fill my mind with negativity when I had been so full of joy just minutes before.

Philippians 2:12-17...Just one of the scripture sets that come to mind on the subject.

"Wherefore, my beloved, as ye have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling. For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure. Do all things without murmerings and disputings: That ye may be blameless and harmless, the sons of God, without rebuke, in the midst of a crooked and perverse nation, among whom ye shine as lights in the world; Holding forth the word of life that I may rejoice in the day of Christ, that I have not run in vain, neither laboured in vain. Yea, and if I be offered upon the sacrifice and service of your faith, I joy, and rejoice with you all. For the same cause also do ye joy, and rejoice with me."

How humbling. I had behaved just like the Israelite’s did. I had received help from the Lord and then complained about the circumstance afterward.

Boo.

Thankfully, after repentance and acknowledging the shameful way I had acted...like a five year old, the next day was much better. I had been forgiven and my slate wiped clean. I had also learned a lesson- You're never too old to fall into Satan's temptations. Part of our "Free Will" is knowing how to avoid them and turn to God when we are weak. Especially when we are weak. Allowing myself to push so far that I had let my defences down AND fallen into the miry pit of pride was a heavy lesson too.

Giving credit where credit is due. God carried me, He orchestrated everything I did, and if I had just stayed in the light of His glory, the day would have ended as perfect as it had been the whole time.

~Heavenly Father, how humbling to know how weak I am without you. How powerful to know how strong I am with you! Thank you for your faithfulness. Your forgiveness. Your mercy and your love. Thank you for blessing me with your presence and helps each day, and for allowing me to try again. In your most gracious name I pray, Amen