Keep On Keepin’ On

Recently I had counted Kota out. Lord only knows how old this horse is. Just the day before he was wobbly and stumbled as he walked away from his food without finishing as he normally would. Typically this guy would eat his weight, but for two days in a row he left his bucket without taking forever and licking it clean, so when he wasn’t waiting on breakfast that day, I prepared myself to go look for him. First I called him, just to be sure. Then I went looking, only to come around the corner and see him eating in his usual place. Huh, I thought. The old guy isn’t done yet. Shortly thereafter, as always after his meal, albeit much shorter than usual, he sauntered off by himself. It’s safer that way. I understand. 

So. Here we are at year two. What has been accomplished? Has it been worth it? Is there a change? A difference? Is there stamina enough to continue? 

Yes.

Although it hasn’t really been much, if anything, like I thought it’d be, I will continue. Truthfully, it’s been much harder than I thought. Funny how that works out. 

I’ll continue to pray for time, focus, guidance and His will. But I’ll also think about those other things that I haven’t considered before. MY changes, MY lessons, the things I need to do and learn.

Sometimes it IS all about me. I’m the one that needs the time-out, the heart change. This time the open eyes and decisions that need to be made are all mine. 

Today my praise list is twice as long as my prayer list. It’s an overwhelming feeling; the power of God. His answer to prayer is unfathomable but so very evident and always on time. So, today I’m starting a new prayer list and it’s all mine. MY asks. MY needs. The need for MY heart, mind and soul updates, renewals, changes and strengthening will fill this new list. I’m excited for the accompanying praise list! 

I am tired. I’m tired of making the same mistakes. Bored of feeling the same feels. Exasperated from wanting the same things but not seeing them. It has worn me down and I’m realizing the issue is obviously mine. 

I don’t want to be Humpty Dumpty, I WANT to be put back together again. 

All the King’s horses and all the King’s men are waiting for me to come from behind that wall. I’m not sitting on it, I’m lingering behind it and they’re patiently waiting for me to tear it down.

I’m prayerfully planning to climb onto one of those horses. To soar on wings like eagles. To run and not grow weary. To walk and not be faint. And listen to what God tells me to do.  

Jeremiah tells me that God has a plan for me. In chapter 29 He speaks through the prophet Jeremiah to those He had exiled from Jerusalem. Even so, the things recorded there are true for us today! 

Reading this chapter reminds me that I have to seek Him. Seek HIS will and follow Him. Although I know God has a plan for my life, that doesn’t automatically fix things. I have to be an active participant. A present worker. I’ve gotta be on duty.

Through the text we can be warned and coached through our temptations and struggles in our own lives. That’s the beauty of this book. This love letter that never changes. This manual-The Bible. The HOLY Bible.

Through these words I can relate to the fact that I am loved, God has a plan for me and if I seek His will, prayerfully and wholeheartedly, and trust in Him, waiting for and following His will, He will always do what’s best for me. 

He says, “I will listen to you.” 

It’s time for me to talk to Him. Really talk to Him on my own behalf. Realize and admit my own needs and wants, questions and desires. He’s there for me just as much as He is there for those I pray to Him for.

Kota can be found off to himself most of the time. I think he likes the quiet and safety of being alone. I can relate to that. But sometimes he has to fight his way into the middle of the pack to get what he needs. I can relate to that as well.

In the quiet solitude I’m not alone, and It’s the perfect time to listen. All I have to do is ask.

So, I’m not countin’ myself out just yet. Perhaps the contrary…I’m just gettin’ started. Like Ol’ Kota, I’ll keep showin’ up, bring on year three!