Shtuff...that's right, sh-tuff.

I've recently realized that I have anxiety. Yep. Never would have admitted it before because I never thought I did! Alas, 'tis true. I can experience quickening heartbeat, cold-sweat, dizziness and even nausea. You probably wouldn't believe it if you knew me; you may be under the assumption that I just roll with the flow or you may even think I'm just a control freak. Totally opposite ideas I know, but I could see either when in relation to describing myself.

It's exhausting, this anxiety. Maybe the toll it has taken on my aging life has brought it to my attention. I've really always been this way, but lately it seems that I'm overly compelled to do something about it. Some days I can actually remedy the situation and relieve the symptoms, other days I have to work hard to "let it go". "Not my farm, not my pig" as my son says...When I see it, I call it Sh-tuff...(remember I'm working on my language...)

My "ailment", if you will, may seem minor to some, and really it is to me as well, but it brings to mind the importance of addressing such a nomily-which brings on a whole other quandary...er rabbit trail. Clutter. That's it. I've recently realized that clutter makes me anxious.

Definitions include: to fill or cover with scattered or disordered things that impede movement or reduce effectiveness. Nailed it. When you have enough trouble walking, it is very frustrating to have things in the way of a path you're trying to navigate. AND I like things in their place. I hate to look for things, it is very comforting to me, for things to have a place and be in it. Another definition is: to run in disorder. Yep! I can't stand clutter. Any kind of it. It makes me anxious. I like a plan of action, a routine. Structure and organization!!!!

Besides the obvious, let me explain the most difficult clutter for me to handle; not the porch or the garage, not even all the random things my family collects in our home. The clutter in my head is the worst. It could be that I've filled my head with too many things I want to accomplish in the day, or as I try to multi-task I may have too many things going on in my mind at one time. Maybe I'm even stressing myself with things that other people do and as I try to process the reasons for them my mind just gets more and more jumbled, my brow furrows so much that my head even begins to hurt. It could also be the severe rolling of my eyes...When these things happen it's so hard to focus on what I really NEED to do. I forget things, I make mistakes and sometimes things can even be made worse because I get my priorities out of whack. It's a real, honest problem. It truly wears me out.

This can happen in my prayer time. Yep. Truth be told, my mind can get so flustered that I have a hard time focusing on God!

It's okay to have so much on your mind that it's hard to sort everything out. Today I have exceeding JOY! and great thankfulness! But I also have deep sorrows and hurts. There are ambitions and desires in my head and there are tired and restless thoughts too. There is a list of things I "need" to get done today, and there are things that will fall by the way side. The older, slower and weaker I get, the more obvious my need for help. Psalms 121:1 "I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help." (hethen folks put their idols up on hills-things that take up space in my head/worry-are as idols. Whence=where. from where comes my help? ) 2. "My help cometh from the Lord..." Indeed! Thank goodness for the peace that comes from giving Him my: worry, concern, frustration, hurts, struggles-clutter.

When my mind is too full to even sort out my prayers, I can sit still before Him and just hand it all over. I envision a HUGE platter that is heavy laden with all the things I have to deal with. Even the stuff that seems so trivial and small. I add those to the top, like a cherry.

Philippians 4: (5) "...let your moderations be known...The Lord is at hand. (6) Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer...let your requests be known to God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understading, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." This tells me to acknowledge my excessiveness. IE: my excessive thinking, worrying, processing, and even "shtuff"! Claim it, realize it and even say it aloud! Put it on that platter and serve it up good 'n ripe!

And I'll add this very freeing scripture: "...God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the humble. Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time: Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you." 1Peter 5:5-7.
Oh, what a relief this truth is! Carrying all this anxiety is so debilitating. It's prideful! Thinking that I can handle everything on my own and not allow God to direct me is a pride issue. Pride does come before a fall. I know, I've lived it. I'm over being proud. I don't have the energy for it, but mostly I have realized the blessing in allowing God to take control. I can now be humble before Him, and others too, which allows Him to use me in ways I never would have imagined; exalting me in His time for His glory, because He DOES care for me. He loves me more than I can even fathom.

Wow, how privileged am I! Whoop Whoop! More privileged than the Queen of England that's how! I am a daughter of The KING after all!

Now, as I finish up this note to you, I pray you can relate and take it to heart. Then, I will make some decisions for the rest of this day, as I seek His direction. I can hardly wait to see what He tells me to do!

*Yes, this is a real photo. Yes, it is what you think. Yes, it really happened. Most of the photos associated with this blog were taken by myself. Choose to make it a good day. Be blessed!